While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
