you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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