there was a trapeze. enough said
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
