you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
