I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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