i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
