First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She even gives head with a lisp.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
