that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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