Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
