i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
