Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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