Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
