I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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