I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
