Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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