You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
