i think my tv is drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She bit a glass in half.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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