Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
