im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
