My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
