i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
