so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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