she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
