Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
