You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
