Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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