ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
