I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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