people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
