i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
