I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
