but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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