This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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