She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
