once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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