I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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