Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
