I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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