dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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