Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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