my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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