i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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