Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
