u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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