At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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