best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
