I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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