Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
