Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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