she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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