we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
