I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
