a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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