why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
