there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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