she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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