she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize