just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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