So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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