So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
