I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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