rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We are all done wearing pants today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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