Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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