i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
