I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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