tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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