I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
