Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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