My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
