you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
