Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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