The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
