Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
