You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
