You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
